Journals16
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Derp.
3 min read
I don't really know what's going on anymore. I'm kindof losing touch with reality some days. The other day I had gone to bed, and then I thought I woke up at 6:15 and had gone to school. No sir, I then woke up a second time at 14:10 and had slept through an important day of tests. So I've been working on making up those tests, one of which was scheduled for today. The day before our finals. We got a snow day.
I dislike Tumblr. thisismyguardswag is like the only cool thing on there, and even then it's just all the same stuff over and over. Everyone's bitching about everything and no one's working to fix things and so the entire situation of their lives is fucking deteriorating.
One of my best friends is leaving me. She has been for awhile, but lately it's gotten bad. If I say anything around her she gets irritated at me and tells me to shut up. If I don't say anything around her she gets irritated and thinks I'm moping about issues that 'don't matter'. Truth is, I like to joke around and tell exaggerated stories and speak loudly awkward sounding sentences. I like to feel like I belong to a group of people.
And most of my friends are bandies, including her. And whenever I want to do something, she'll always say something like, "well, it sucks for you because *bandies* are busy." And it's to the point where it's like, "hop off your shit, cunt."
I don't even like that word, but she deserves it. Even the other day I decided I wasn't going to talk to her, but another one of my friends sits right behind her in one of my classes. And so we were sitting there just making faces at each other, and she assumed I was making faces at her and got really fucking pissed. Not only that, but she's the only one who excludes me for not being 'in band'. I'm the fucking colorguard captain next year. All of my other band friends are like, "yeah, there's a pepband game, you should come with!" And so I'll tag along, but while I'm there she'll give me dirty looks and it isn't fun.
She's one of my best friends. This hurts. I've always forgiven her for being vain, I've forgiven her for not understanding basic concepts like working for pay, I've forgiven her for not understanding why I do better than she does in class. I've even forgiven her for all that shit above. But it gets harder and harder every day, and I don't want her in my life. She's causing a turmoil that isn't helping me right now.
My entire life has been in shambles lately. Well, life is fine, it's the same as it has been for months, but the stressors of each and every day have finally built to a breaking point that I can't ever really escape. I used to harm myself, and it's so hard to not go back to it. It's addictive and it hard to even stop in the first place and the urge is always there even after you've stopped and she's made it so hard to not just start again.
I dislike Tumblr. thisismyguardswag is like the only cool thing on there, and even then it's just all the same stuff over and over. Everyone's bitching about everything and no one's working to fix things and so the entire situation of their lives is fucking deteriorating.
One of my best friends is leaving me. She has been for awhile, but lately it's gotten bad. If I say anything around her she gets irritated at me and tells me to shut up. If I don't say anything around her she gets irritated and thinks I'm moping about issues that 'don't matter'. Truth is, I like to joke around and tell exaggerated stories and speak loudly awkward sounding sentences. I like to feel like I belong to a group of people.
And most of my friends are bandies, including her. And whenever I want to do something, she'll always say something like, "well, it sucks for you because *bandies* are busy." And it's to the point where it's like, "hop off your shit, cunt."
I don't even like that word, but she deserves it. Even the other day I decided I wasn't going to talk to her, but another one of my friends sits right behind her in one of my classes. And so we were sitting there just making faces at each other, and she assumed I was making faces at her and got really fucking pissed. Not only that, but she's the only one who excludes me for not being 'in band'. I'm the fucking colorguard captain next year. All of my other band friends are like, "yeah, there's a pepband game, you should come with!" And so I'll tag along, but while I'm there she'll give me dirty looks and it isn't fun.
She's one of my best friends. This hurts. I've always forgiven her for being vain, I've forgiven her for not understanding basic concepts like working for pay, I've forgiven her for not understanding why I do better than she does in class. I've even forgiven her for all that shit above. But it gets harder and harder every day, and I don't want her in my life. She's causing a turmoil that isn't helping me right now.
My entire life has been in shambles lately. Well, life is fine, it's the same as it has been for months, but the stressors of each and every day have finally built to a breaking point that I can't ever really escape. I used to harm myself, and it's so hard to not go back to it. It's addictive and it hard to even stop in the first place and the urge is always there even after you've stopped and she's made it so hard to not just start again.
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Lost weight like whoa.
2 min read
So, one, I barely draw anymore.
Like, I do, but I have this huge inferiority complex and all of it looks like complete shit.
I do do a shitton o' writing tho, but it's been far more personal lately than it ever has been before and not really on things I'd like to post on public forums.
I also have a job now, I work at Mickey Dee's. I've actually had it for like 8 months now.
Yet, despite the fact I work at a fatty fastfood places and get lunch breaks, I've lost 23 1/2 pounds in the last 2 months, and gone from a size 12 to a size 6 in pants.
And, I really doubt it's healthy.
I'm supposed to be getting ADHD meds soon. I kinda hope they're the ones that increase my appetite, because food just sounds gross. Like, I don't even want to eat, so I don't.
I also stay up too late. It's 2 in the morning, and I have to get up at 9 so I can shower and get ready for work.
But, I'm fairly positive I'm gonna be partying it up on Saturday with some newer friends who live near me, so that's going to be fun.
Like, I do, but I have this huge inferiority complex and all of it looks like complete shit.
I do do a shitton o' writing tho, but it's been far more personal lately than it ever has been before and not really on things I'd like to post on public forums.
I also have a job now, I work at Mickey Dee's. I've actually had it for like 8 months now.
Yet, despite the fact I work at a fatty fastfood places and get lunch breaks, I've lost 23 1/2 pounds in the last 2 months, and gone from a size 12 to a size 6 in pants.
And, I really doubt it's healthy.
I'm supposed to be getting ADHD meds soon. I kinda hope they're the ones that increase my appetite, because food just sounds gross. Like, I don't even want to eat, so I don't.
I also stay up too late. It's 2 in the morning, and I have to get up at 9 so I can shower and get ready for work.
But, I'm fairly positive I'm gonna be partying it up on Saturday with some newer friends who live near me, so that's going to be fun.
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lack of things because i suck .
1 min read
mmk, well, i havent been posting online lately. Hell, i havent been posting anywhere. Thats kinda a lie. I haven't even been *DOING* anything lately. even tho its summer time and in the middle of school break.
i have decided i really like laptops tho, and am using my older sister's right now. sadly ill have to use my actual tower when i do shit tho, since she hardly even lets me surf the web on this thing. >.>
i have decided i really like laptops tho, and am using my older sister's right now. sadly ill have to use my actual tower when i do shit tho, since she hardly even lets me surf the web on this thing. >.>
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Ohkay, yes, seriously. Title is seriously what this is going to be about:
So, some background info beforehand:
He was all like, "Meeting you feels like it was meant to happen."
and then I was like, "I don't think things are meant to happen, they just do."
(This was on MSN however, so yes. XD)
Aaaaaand then. Because of that, he said something really cheesy, which gave me this monstrous plot bunny that I want to feed and pet and cuddle, but I need to starve it! I mean, seriously, do you know how hard it is to starve such a cute little fluffy creature, who is staring at you, prying into your eyes, taking up all of your free time and is always on your mind, clawing at the ends of your fingertips as you write other things to get your mind off it?
If you do, then you know exactly how I'm feeling right now. XD
Umm...I'm over here searching for the right excerpt from our conversations (I save all of my IM conversations with everyone.) and I found this one:
"when [chickfriend] was like, "not my baby!" (as a joke) so i hit her in the stomach, and [dudefriend] was like, "right in the cervix!" he screwed up majorly with his anatomy and i believe i felt sympathy pain at the idea of being punched in the cervix. D:"
chickfriend and dudefriend are just me saving them from the misery of being talked about online, not what I actually typed to him. XD
Well... I can't find it. .__. Fuuuuuuuck. I really want to write using it though, it's like, incredibly cheesy, but it would make a good WAFF one shot I think... sadface.
So, some background info beforehand:
He was all like, "Meeting you feels like it was meant to happen."
and then I was like, "I don't think things are meant to happen, they just do."
(This was on MSN however, so yes. XD)
Aaaaaand then. Because of that, he said something really cheesy, which gave me this monstrous plot bunny that I want to feed and pet and cuddle, but I need to starve it! I mean, seriously, do you know how hard it is to starve such a cute little fluffy creature, who is staring at you, prying into your eyes, taking up all of your free time and is always on your mind, clawing at the ends of your fingertips as you write other things to get your mind off it?
If you do, then you know exactly how I'm feeling right now. XD
Umm...I'm over here searching for the right excerpt from our conversations (I save all of my IM conversations with everyone.) and I found this one:
"when [chickfriend] was like, "not my baby!" (as a joke) so i hit her in the stomach, and [dudefriend] was like, "right in the cervix!" he screwed up majorly with his anatomy and i believe i felt sympathy pain at the idea of being punched in the cervix. D:"
chickfriend and dudefriend are just me saving them from the misery of being talked about online, not what I actually typed to him. XD
Well... I can't find it. .__. Fuuuuuuuck. I really want to write using it though, it's like, incredibly cheesy, but it would make a good WAFF one shot I think... sadface.
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Devious Journal Entry
1 min read
I feel the need to make this face: DDDDDDDDDD:
I've been working on Doctor Hikken, and I have quite a few doodles and rough sketches of him and Jamy and everyone else, as well as like 4 different beginnings of the first chapter, but I don't have anything else to really show in the drawing sense.
THE ICE CREAM MAN IS OUTSIDE! I HEAR HIM!!!
D'awwwww he left. D: Oh well.
Anyway, I'm going to attempt to draw something dA worthy, but have you ever noticed that after you post something on dA it seems incredibly sub-par in comparison to everything else? That seems to happen to me a lot. :/
I've been working on Doctor Hikken, and I have quite a few doodles and rough sketches of him and Jamy and everyone else, as well as like 4 different beginnings of the first chapter, but I don't have anything else to really show in the drawing sense.
THE ICE CREAM MAN IS OUTSIDE! I HEAR HIM!!!
D'awwwww he left. D: Oh well.
Anyway, I'm going to attempt to draw something dA worthy, but have you ever noticed that after you post something on dA it seems incredibly sub-par in comparison to everything else? That seems to happen to me a lot. :/
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